~ A conversation with myself
– Well, numerous things. It has been a long gap indeed. These days, I have been spending 12 hours a day at office.
–Considering the free time I have in there, this doesn’t sound like a valid reason for not writing.
– Oh, then it must be the books. I have been reading quite a lot. Voraciously, you say.
–I remember having read nothing, for about a month after finishing Anna Karenina late this January.
– Alright, alright. I do not want to play the infidel husband caught on the act. I’ll blurt it out – Indiscipline.
–Yes, I am lacking in this vital component of life. Name it laziness, or fear, or the wait for an idea to plant itself in my brain, it all boils down to just one thing – Indiscipline. An attribute I hate myself to be tagged with. But yes, I have to acknowledge the fact.
– I know I should practice. I know about the famous 10,000 hours rule. But it just feels safe to worry about my writing than to make a consistent effort at honing the skill. When I start writing, all my weaknesses jeer at me in their wicked voices. I detest the piece that is taking form. I feel like my pen is never going to reproduce the perfect image that I already have in mind. Sometimes, I seem to be at loss of words. The right ones, I mean. I plainly see all the defects in my writing – the poor choice of words or the incoherent paragraphs. It would never pass my critical eye.
–There’ll be more papers in the trash can than on the desk, for every writer; even the best. One shouldn’t be shameful about it. Procrastinating is synonymous to giving up when it comes to making an effort. I should understand that in conquering those jeering voices lies success; in satisfying the critic within me lies happiness. Stephen King had numerous rejection slips pinned to his wall, before his writings were accepted for print. Many of his wonderful books wouldn’t have seen light, had he cringed at the first rejection he faced. The classic Abraham Lincoln’s example applies to writing too. Only consistent effort paves the way to expertise, or success. I should realize this and stop inventing lame excuses for not writing. So, this time, there will not be any vain promises of posts everyday. Rather, it would be proper if I stop calling myself an aspiring writer till I have produced some hundred pieces of prose.
So, what kept me off? Indiscipline it is.
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